Sadomasochism

'S&M'

Sadomasochism is a paraphilia that combines both sadistic and masochistic sexual behavioral patterns. The main characteristic of sadomasochism is the eroticizing of pain. What appears to the outsider to be painful, even very painful, is experienced as somewhat painful but mostly pleasurable and very sexually arousing to the sadomasochist.

The sadist in the sadomasochistic pair is the person who inflicts the pain or punishment; the masochist is the person who submits to the pain, humiliation or control of his or her partner. Sadomasochistic sexual encounters usually occur in the context of scripted scenes that simulate interactions between master or mistress and slave, employer and servant-maid, teacher and student, owner and horse or dog, and parent and child.

Sadomasochists may wear black leather or rubber attire. Some gay males and heterosexuals engage in a genre of sadomasochism known as "leathersex", wearing key chains or colored handkerchiefs symbolizing the role being played. Wearing keys on the left side indicates that the individual is a sadist; on the right indicates that he or she prefers the role of masochist.

Sadomasochists tend to alternate between the masochistic and sadistic roles. In milder form, without overt cruelty or bodily punishment, dominance and submissive behaviors may be found in many relationships, or may be an element of fantasy life.

Although sadomasochistic acts in their extreme forms can be physically and psychologically dangerous, the majority of people engaging in these behaviors do so with an understanding of the risks and stay within carefully predetermined limits.

Sadomasochism seems to be in fashion these days. Paperbacks on brutal passions involving pain, physical restraint and servitude are published in large numbers. Sex shops have tons of sex toys and gear for inflicting pain. The web sites destined for the lost and brokenhearted are rife with announcements posted by submissives looking for dominants and vice versa.

Being involved in dominant/submissive relationships on a regular basis is often referred to as being “in the lifestyle.” It would be wrong to imagine a lifestyler as a submissive person handcuffed to a radiator, someone who is continually humiliated by a dominant. In actuality, the above practices fall under the category of roleplaying. The partners who are “in the lifestyle” may resemble a somewhat old-fashioned couple of like-minded individuals.

Terminologies

- B&D is Bondage and Domination involving physical constraint, tying, role plays, servitude, humiliation and punishment;

- D&S is Dominance and Submission involves non-play dominant/submissive behavior that exceeds the limits of “sensation play”. The partners usually agree on a dominant/submissive pattern prior to engaging in such an activity.

- S&M means Sadism and Masochism i.e. practices in which physical pain is inflicted for mutual enjoyment.

- Vanilla, derivative from “vanilla ice cream, is a term used for referring to anything unrelated to BDSM e.g. vanilla man, vanilla relationship, vanilla sex etc.

- The emphasis on informed consent and safety is known as SSC (safe, sane and consensual), though others prefer the term RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink), believing that it places more emphasis on acknowledging the fact that all activities are potentially risky.

- In BDSM, a top is a partner who takes the role of giver in such acts as bondage, flogging, humiliation, or servitude. The top performs acts such as these upon the bottom, who is the person receiving for the duration of a scene. Although it is easy to assume that a top is dominant and a bottom is submissive, it is not necessarily so.

Switching stands for playing both dominant and submissive roles, either during a single scene or taking on different roles at different occasions with different partners. A switch will be the top on some occasions and the bottom on other occasions.

Case

Sadomasochism Bondage Death in Massachusetts Raises Legal Questions

Thursday, October 11, 2007 Fox News

LYNN, Mass. — Adrian Exley was wrapped tightly in heavy plastic, then bound with duct tape. A leather hood was put over his head with a thin plastic straw inserted so that he could breathe, and he was shut up in a closet.

That, apparently, was the way Exley liked it. But the way it ended — with Exley suffocating — was not what he had in mind when he traveled from Britain for a bondage session with a man he had met through a sadomasochism Web site.

Exley's body was discovered in the woods last year, two months after he was bound up in the bondage "playroom" Gary LeBlanc had built in the basement of his suburban Boston home. LeBlanc, a 48-year-old Gulf Oil sales executive, detailed his responsibility in the fatal bondage session in a five-page suicide note, just before he put a gun to his head and killed himself.

Now the question is: Since Exley consented to the sex play, can LeBlanc be held responsible for his death?

Exley's family is suing LeBlanc's estate for unspecified damages, claiming wrongful death. Many bondage enthusiasts are watching the case closely, seeing it as lesson in where to draw the line of responsibility on consensual but dangerous sex.

Exley and LeBlanc met through an online forum for gay men into rubber, leather and bondage. Exley, a 32-year-old stripper, used the screen name "Studpup," while LeBlanc called himself "Rubrman" and built a chamber with rubber mats on the floors and walls, chains, leather restraints, rubber suits and a hospital gurney.

Exley arrived at LeBlanc's house in Lynn in April 2006 after the pair had exchanged e-mails in which they discussed plans for LeBlanc to play the "master" and Exley his "slave," according to the lawsuit.

John Andrews, a lawyer for LeBlanc's estate, said Exley knew the risks going in. "What occurred was an act or actions between two consenting adults, both of whom knew what they were doing, and it had a tragic end," he said.

The lawsuit describes a three-day bondage and discipline session that ended when a third man, Scott Vincent, discovered Exley was not breathing. Exley had been put in a closet while bound in plastic up to his neck and left alone for several hours, according to the lawsuit.

In his suicide note, LeBlanc admitted that Exley at one point had trouble breathing. But he said that after "cooling him down," Exley improved. LeBlanc said that he went to sleep about 3 a.m. but was woken up a few hours later by Vincent, who told him Exley was not breathing and was turning blue and cold.

LeBlanc said he panicked, and he and Vincent drove to Rhode Island, where they buried the body and threw away Exley's clothing and identification.

The Rhode Island medical examiner determined that Exley suffocated. Vincent said in a sworn statement that the straw had fallen out of his mouth in the closet.

"The law says if a person causes the death of another person by an act which is either negligent or reckless, that person is liable," Cook said. "You have a duty to behave reasonably. I think it's the same thing here, albeit a very strange set of facts."

It was Exley's mother, Maggie Horner, who decided to sue LeBlanc's estate.

"We decided that we didn't want Gary's last wishes being granted when Adrian's couldn't be," she said. "Why should Gary be able to kill my son, bury my son, shoot himself and still get his own way?"